Knit 2 Par 3

Wednesday, April 26, 2006

While I was watching golf last weekend, until George Bush Senior ruined it for me and I had to turn off the TV and get off the couch, I became intrigued by all the sponsorship and product placement. Everybody had a name shirt, name hat, name bag and it was all the same big sports names.

While I have yet to see him on TV, I am told (by Brendan and Nancy) that golfer John Daly has more interesting sponsors, like Hooters and 84 Lumber Company. He's also a real fatso and is alleged to wear his hair in a mullet but I couldn't find any pictures of that. I did see a nice mullet on the uptown N train on the way to work today. It looked sort of knitted, with a kind of ombre effect, from the guy's dark roots down to the overprocessed margarine color ends. But nicely combed and very long. It was hard to figure out where someone with hair like that might have worked in Midtown Manhattan. If I see him again I will ask.

I got to thinking that I need some golf sponsors, knitting related golf sponsors. I'd venture to say that none of the professional women golfers have knitting sponsors, but I haven't been able to find any women's golf on TV yet to find out. I would like Colinette yarn to sponsor me. I'd like it a lot! I'd develop a free pattern using their Point 5 yarn for their website - they could have a Celebrity Golfer Pattern link, and I'd be on it. If I was a celebrity golfer, I could afford to use Point 5 for some golf covers - that would probably run me $60 retail.

In between shots, I would be sure to be seen using my Denise Interchangable Needles. No, they are not named after me, but they do come in a very nice carrying case with "Denise" embossed on the front. I got a set for my birthday from my mother last year, and my sister Karen thought she had the case personalized for me and it caused a little sibling jealously. All the TV announcers would comment on how easy they looked to use and how fast I can knit with them, and then they could be sold in golf shops with all those other obsessive accessories.

I would really want to be sponsored by Ziploc bags, though. Ziploc bags are a knitter's best friend and I can see some golf uses for them as well. You could put your golf shoes in them, and balls too. I use a separate Ziploc for each project, with all the yarn and needles and patterns right in the bag. Gallon size ones for smaller projects, and those monster Big Bags for sweaters. The advertising on the front of the big bags is misleading - you cannot put five soccer balls in one, or nine winter coats, but you can spend many relaxing hours moving stash from one big bag to another.

Monday, April 24, 2006

I watched some golf on TV this weekend just to get into the whole swing of things. My friend Brendan has urged this as alternative to actually playing golf since you can get pretty involved in a game and lay on the couch at the same time, and in real golf you are mostly standing up the whole time.

I wasn't laying on the couch, just reclining a little and I found that it's very easy to knit and watch golf at the same time, do this may be the perfect blend of two demanding hobbies. And, I could drink a beer at the same time but only one beer, since I am working on some very elaborate argyle socks from quite an old pattern, one where they don't give you a gauge. I am using size 0 needles on these socks and Dale of Norway Baby Ull yarn. It's an interesting pattern, because you knit the argyle tops on two needles, then switch to four for the heel and foot. You also need to sew up the sides in some kind of invisible seam when you are done.

I saw one golfer hit a really lousy shot and say Damn! loudy and stomp around on the green. Temper! Even I could tell it was a lousy shot, it went into the parking lot almost, in some weeds. I would have left the ball there.

I had to stop watching when the "guest" announcer turned out to be George Bush Senior. The other sports casters were talking about how much fun they had with him a few weeks ago while hunting with him in Texas and he said something about how much safer it is to hunt with him than to be in Cheney's cross hairs. And he laughed a really rude loud laugh and changed the subject. He should be apologizing every day of his life, not playing golf and laughing.

Wednesday, April 19, 2006

It wasn't my idea to learn how to play golf. I admit to some prejudices about golf - the idea that it is dull to watch on TV, for instance, or rife with bad fashion choices like visors. I have had more than my share of golf playing roommates in my time - sinewy, rooster- haired blonds with frosted lipstick. I needed to learn to play for my job though. Nancy said she would be interested in learning how to play too so there you go, someone to go with you to keep you company at the golf lessons.

Could I have ever imagined that golf could interfere with knitting? Today I played Messy House Mini Golf for quite a long time to try out my new (used) Ping putter bought last night with cash set aside for yarn. This is a game where all the magazines and laundry and DVDs on the floor transform into the sand and water and lush green lawn of Pebble Beach.

Now I am behind on the Sockstravaganza - socks for everyone in the whole family of choice. So far I've finished four pair, with three more to go by Mother's Day. I left the big feet for last. I am using some super duper yarn: Lorna's Laces, Twisted Sister, Socketta. I'm making good use of Anne Budd's The Knitter's Handy Book of Patterns, no knitter should be without it.

So I had to start to learn how to play golf for work. And I get quizzed on it regularly. But today I had a test.

My boss called me into his office today, for the golf catechism. He is a priest - a real priest, but sometimes he wears the priest's collar to work, and sometimes a golf shirt and I think they are both expressions of religious beliefs. Usually it's a quiz on the Ben Hogan rules of golf book. I told him about the putter and he smiled a tiny tight smile. He reached under his desk and took out a black zipper case about the size of a notebook. I thought it was one of those portable mass kits and he was going to give me Extreme Unction, but inside was a putter that he screwed together, and half a dozen balls, and a fake hole. He said: Let us Put! The one who gets best out of ten shots gives the other one a dollar.

I let him go first, he's the boss. He got four out of the ten in, and I gave him one because it was close and that's the gentlemanly thing to do.

I took off my very high high heels, hit the balls and bang bang bang! Five out of ten in a row. I offered to put my high heels back on to give him the High Heel Handicap. Shake me up Judy! two more for a total of seven out of ten. And I took the dollar.