Knit 2 Par 3

Tuesday, May 16, 2006


Well, I didn't play golf yesterday at the work event but I had many golf lessons. Plus since it was a work event, I got some fab swag for me and the posse.

It rained and rained and rained, just like I had hoped, but the golfers got a chance to play when the rain stopped at about one o'clock. This was a very fancy golf course at a fancy country club, with a course as smooth and green as Kermit's behind. They actually had two 18 hole courses, and we (the royal we) played on the course that is usually reserved for PGA tournaments.

I struck up a conversation with pro shop worker Ned, who upon retiring from his insurance job took a job at the country club. I could groove on this, as I would get a job in a yarn store in a minute if I either won the lottery or retired, neither of which is likely to happen. (Ever). The main benefit of the job for Ned was that he got to play two times a week on the course.

You never know when a golf lesson is going to land right at your feet. One of the prizes at this event was a new car to the person who got a hole in one at the 10th hole. Now, this hole was "only" 180 yars from the tee, so maybe someone could get a hole in one, maybe. My special job was to be a Hole Watcher - to verify that the ball did indeed go in the hole. But, as an officer of my company, I had to have a watcher watch me watch the hole. So I asked this Ned guy to be my watcher.

Believe me, there was no hole in one and Ned and I had plenty of time to talk about golf. We had to watch the guys tee off, then take a cart down to the green to see if anything had gone in the hole. After the tee off, I would ask Ned which guy was a better golfer, and why. I also asked him if he could tell which personality disorders they had based on the shot - and he was on the mark with that every time. Some golf lessons I learned:
  • John Daly may be a fat slot playing drunk, but he utilizes his wrist in a shot to give him that distance, and that's something anyone can learn how to do.
  • Michele Wie will have to wait until a lot of old retired guys are dead before she will be allowed to play on the PGA, Hey, that's Miss Michelle Wie to you Ned!
  • That man in our finance department has a lot of workplace rage based on the way he hits that golf ball.
After my tour of duty was over, Ned took me to the pro shop to observe my swing and he gave me a few pointers, including what to do with my wrist so I can be (more) like John Daly. If only the rain would stop so we could go out and hit balls you guys would be impressed! And then we could go to Hooters.

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