Knit 2 Par 3

Sunday, June 04, 2006


We all learned in English class that one of the great themes in literature is Man Against Nature. Moby Dick (note to self - don't search for Moby Dick images on Google); The Good Earth; Mrs. Mike - all good examples, but none as epic a struggle as trying to play golf today.

It's been raining pretty much nonstop since Thursday, just relentless pouring rain with thunder. Now I'm never gonna stop the rain by complaining, but I was really looking forward to playing golf this weekend. Brendan had high hopes of playing on Friday afternoon, but it rained so he had to give in to some other vices instead; when I woke up on Saturday it was raining so hard I though someone had turned a hose on the house and today, Sunday, it was merely overcast so Brendan and Clementine came over and picked up me and Emily and we headed out to Anchor Golfland, figuring the girls could entertain themselves with mini golf and we could play the Par 3 course.

It's a long ride out there to Whippany and you get plenty of opportunity to listen to music, and unfortunately today this music included Meatloaf. And as luck would have it, Meatloaf plays golf. Yes. His handicap is 18, but I don't know what that means. I suspect his handicap may be that his tolerable song is a Broadway show tune, and I don't even want to talk about Paradise by the Dashboard Light. But, if you have $15,000 you can play golf with MeatLoaf.

Imagine our distress when we got to there and the Par 3 course was closed! Flooded! Disaster area! I felt like someone hit me in the solar plexis with my putter. The place was underwater. So we played a round of mini golf with the girls. I must say they didn't take our criticism of their shots very well. Emily particularly thought telling someone "it's all practise" was particularly evil.

We did get to hit a bucket of balls while the girls played more mini golf so the day wasn't a total loss. When I asked if she enjoyed herself today, Emily reported that she didn't think golf was as lame as she had heretofore believed, but that it was still pretty lame.

She must have been thinking about the Cher music that was playing along with the Meatloaf. No, Cher does not play golf. She does what she wants, including an unbelievable version of Bell Bottom Blues. Don't drive while you listen to it, you'll have an accident. There s so much caterwalling in the song I can't even load it into the blog; if you want a copy, email me and I will send it to you.

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